The Things I Do for Love

 

 
I hate macaroni salad. I hate the squishy, stiff texture of the noodles, I hate the slimy miracle whip based sweet/sour/sickening yellow substance that glops around them. I hate the pickle bits that are sometimes mixed in. It manages to be both indescribably bland and utterly offensive. It is the cuisine of middle America at its nadir.

I have never made macaroni salad in my life. Until today.

David has a paradoxical love of macaroni salad. He dislikes mayonnaise on sandwiches, and I can't figure out why he likes it on cold noodles. But he was out of town this week, and I missed him,and he asked me to make some macaroni salad. So I said ok. I asked him what he likes in his macaroni salad. He said

'Little pieces of carrot. And pepper. And those...green things.'
'Celery?'
'Celery.'

So there you have it.


Boil a cup of macaroni in salty water. Cook them a little softer than you would if you were going to eat them like spaghetti. When they're done, rinse them under cold water until they are quite cool.

Cut up 1 small carrot and 2 small ribs of celery into 1/4" dice. Mince a few leaves of parsley, and half a green onion. Put everything in a large bowl and add a large scoop of mayo and a tablespoon of the best quality coarse-ground dijon mustard you can find. Add plenty of coarse black pepper and stir it up.

Chill it for a while. Pour yourself a drink and feed the macaroni to your boyfriend. Secretly enjoy eating a serving yourself.